Science almost 80% complete | The Ronson Writer

Home

News

Science, Tech & Web

Science almost 80% complete

Written by christheclarke

Thursday, 02 August 2007

"Science is almost 80% complete" claims Shlangg in crowd pleasing speech at some Science thing. "SCIENCE IS ALMOST 80% COMPLETE" claimed the head scientist of science, in the whole wide world.

Dr. Professor Michael Shlangg addressed the world Science union in Polish in New Mexico at the Crikey Almitey Stadium in the USA earlier this week to a largely baffled audience, who were not receiving the correct simultaneous audio translations via their head sets.

After the technical hitch was corrected, Shlangg restarted his speech, not before joking "For a lot of scientists, do you know where the toilet is in the draw" it is understood.

Shlangg, a controversial figure in Scientific circles (which are squares, don't ask why) revealed that "It (science) is almost 80% (four fifths) complete" and that fellow scientists should "slow down" in order to "maintain a healthy future for science".

"There is too much emphasis in science making important breakthroughs for society, we must attempt a return to the days of messing around with Bunsen burners in the laboratory and flicking hydrochloric acid at one another, so we can ensure a legacy for future generations".

The address was received with numerous standing ovations, bouquets of flowers and underwear (mostly female and clean) were thrown on the stage and Shlangg even treated the crowd to a rare 35 minute encore in which he permormed his Nobel prize winning Stephen Hawking and Isaac Newton impressions.

One scientist present was Dr Steven Petty of Dulwich, Somewhere, who commented "He's brilliant, this the 5th time i've seen him, and every time he's better than the last, and his theory of integration of scientific bodies into a graduation of society really wowed the crowd, he's a proper entertainer, not like Vernon Kay"

Shlangg who shot to fame with his first book "Einstein was a hero to many, he never meant sh*t to me: Flava flav and the history of time" which sold a staggering 8 million books and won the 'Nescafe Coffee table book of the year, 94' in 1993.

Shlangg became a celebrity icon from that point on dating midly attractive models and causing Tabloid controversy which lead to further fractions in the Scientific community. A point which has never troubled Shlangg;

"I (him) don't give a f**k what they say, i'm bringing it (Science) into the 21st century, people don't want long drawn out elusive theories, they want 10 mins of pure, white hot, rock 'n' science... followed by a 10 minute laser show"

Shlangg can be seen on our screens in February next year when he appears in something with Simon Cowell.

Share This Article