Sunday, 20th May 2012
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Cast your votes for the finalists of the 2007 Bill Hicks ‘Whores Of Corporate Music' Awards. A definitive countdown of the Top Ten recording artists most likely to bend over, relax, and take a good, hard length from a well known corporation, in exchange for endorsing their products or brand.
Bosses at Columbia Records are reported to be deeply depressed about sales of Mark Ronson's album of entirely unoriginal material, 'Version', following a recent interview with Q Magazine in which he completely neglected to make any casual remarks about either a) hanging out with, b) going to parties of, or c) recording in the studio with, his many celebrity chums.
No, really. This is a true story. On the advice of his gay friend, Sir Elton John, aspiring DJ and England's one-note-acting answer to Sean Connery, Michael Caine, is to release a compilation CD of his most pleasured, relax-time tunes. You certainly won't 'blow the bloody doors off' with these yawn-starters. The full article from Timesonline.com follows...
Tragedy on the eve of The Spice Girls planned reunion tour, as PR executives behind the manufactured group have been forced to admit that 'Girl Power' is actually only a marketing gimmick, and not a real thing, after a 15 year old fan of the group, who believed that listening to their records would enable in her magical powers, jumped off a 10 storey building thinking she could fly.
No, apparently not. But rather, one of Britain's hot new bands, The Young Knives. Amazing what you can do with a little PR spin isn't it? Looks to us like three chubby interns at Standard Life Insurance, dressed in Primark off-the-rack suits, but then we must be out of touch with the kids.
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Please think of The Environment. Print out 50 copies of this page, on baby-seal-skin paper, then drive around in a diesel Humvee, towing 3 bigger Humvees, and a boat, littering copies out the window at nature reserves and other points of interest, before setting fire to a monk and barbequeing a couple of air-freighted whale steaks on his back, washed down with totally Unfair Trade coffee, while wearing child-labour made Nike shoes.
Please think of The Environment. Print out 50 copies of this page, on baby-seal-skin paper, then drive around in a diesel Humvee, towing 3 bigger Humvees, and a boat, littering copies out the window at nature reserves and other points of interest, before setting fire to a monk and barbequeing a couple of air-freighted whale steaks on his back, washed down with totally Unfair Trade coffee, while wearing child-labour made Nike shoes.